Places to Jog in Chicago

Let us suppose you live in Chicago, or are visiting for a period of time. Let us further suppose you have overindulged on Italian sausage, deep dish pizza, onion rings, and other locally popular varieties of comfort food. And let us suppose that even as you made these glutinous culinary decisions you have been secretly dreading their consequences. You picture yourself going purple in the face trying to pull on your favorite pair of pants, which once fit comfortably but now bulge at the seams; you imagine your shirts no longer having enough fabric to cover your belly; you ponder the odds of the Postal Service assigning you your own zip code.

Keep it up and it won't be imaginary. Keep it up and you'll pass the event horizon; the skinny you screaming to get out of the fat you will never have a chance.

What should you do to arrest your over-development? It's simple really. Stop eating that crap. Get off the couch. Buy a decent pair of running shoes. Start jogging regularly.

Assuming you can commit to the recommended course of action, the question becomes "where?" Where in the City of Big Shoulders will you shuffle your dainty feet? Here are a few possibilities:

City Sidewalks
You'll find quite a lot of people choose this option. The primary advantage of sidewalks is that you don't have to go far to find them. Just step out your front door. They are also relatively level, relatively well maintained, and relatively wide. Sometimes; contractors like to build as close to the street as they can get away with. They'd build flush with it if they could.

The two disadvantages of sidewalks are 1) pedestrians and 2) traffic lights. The former occasionally have the sense and decency to move over so you can go past, but usually you're on your own; Chicagoans figure they're entitled to use as much of the sidewalk as they want whenever they want. If you're so hyped up to exercise, running an obstacle course shouldn't bother you. Traffic lights matter only if you're keeping track of your mile splits; a red light will delay you anywhere from 10 to 40 seconds.

The Lakefront
From Hollywood Ave. on the north side to the South Shore Cultural Center on the south side, Chicago's lakefront is one long public park. Winding through it is an 18 mile long paved path for the use of walkers, joggers, rollerbladers, and bicyclers. And all of those folks do use it; things can get especially crowded along the stretch from Fullerton to the Oak Street Beach. But in spite of its popularity the lakefront is probably the best place in the city to jog. The only minor drawback is that unless you live close to the lake you have to get yourself there.

The Bloomingdale Trail
Officially, this isn't really a trail. It's an elevated railroad right-of-way running between North Ave and Armitage Ave that trains don't use anymore. People aren't supposed to use it either, but they do anyway -- to walk, walk their dogs, and of course jog. Finding an access point is tricky. On the northwest side of the street at Leavitt and Milwaukee Ave you can head into the trees, walk up the embankment, and climb over the railing. On the east side of Ashland Ave at the Kennedy Expressway overpass there's a hole in the fence you can squeeze through. I'm not going to be any more precise than that. You'll have to look for it.

The main advantage of this trail is that you won't be interrupted by road traffic, you won't encounter too many people, those you do encounter will generally move out of your way, and it's easy to keep track of exactly how far you've run because major streets (ie: Ashland to Western, Western to California, California to Kedzie) are separated by half a mile.

The main disadvantage is the surface, which consists of dirt, broken glass, stray tree branches (yes, trees are growing up there), and gravel. It's a bit like running cross-country. But then again, some of you might prefer that.

An Elliptical Trainer
Maybe you'd just as soon not hazard the city's sidewalks and roads. In that case give some thought to buying an elliptical trainer. But I can't help you with that.

Jack Johnson Pardon

Sometimes it takes nearly 100 years for the judicial/political system to straighten out an injustice. Jack Johnson, the world heavyweight champ from 1908 to 1915 and a man with appetites to match his outsized physique and talent, had to serve a year in prison from 1920-1921 for allegedly violating the Mann Act (i.e. "transporting women across state lines for immoral purposes"). Johnson's crime was that the woman thus transported was white, and he was black. The then new law was enough of a catch-all it could be applied to situations of the kind. Johnson's was the first such instance. Considering that good ol' fashioned lynching was the other favored method of discouraging black-white pairings in those days, he was relatively lucky.

But from today's perspective, it's pretty ridiculous he was prosecuted, much less convicted. Johnson's trial was as much about his flamboyant personality and decisive victories over white opponents as his sexual exploits outside the ring. And that is why there has been a move afoot the past few years for a posthumous presidential pardon. Senator John McCain, a big boxing fan, has been the driving force behind it. He, Rep. Peter King, filmmaker Ken Burns, and Johnson's great niece Linda Haywood will appear at a joint press conference tonight to announce another pardon resolution. Similar legislation failed to pass congress last year and in 2004, so its prospects are uncertain.

Mystifying, really. Seems like an easy enough call to me.

Conficker: More Computer Contamination

MS Windows is like a great slab of rotting meat sitting out in the sun and rain for weeks on end. Worm food!

Actually, no. A perverse fact about the computer industry is that dead software remains pristine. It's the living software that attracts vermin and carrion eaters. And the various flavors of Windows are collectively the livingest software there is. Consequently those of us running 2000 or XP or Vista must apply a never ending succession of poultices, potions, smelling salts, and bandages to keep it that way.

A case in point is Conficker. This is the latest worm to try and make a meal of Windows. It exploits a security hole (Microsoft fixed it in October '08, but if you aren't using automatic updates yours might still be there) to spread itself from computer to computer. If you're infected, it also blocks you from accessing security sites so you can't get updated anti-virus definitions that would wipe it out.

Tomorrow it's supposed to go on a rampage, forming a network of remotely controlled hijacked computers to carry out a cybercrime spree; the malicious people who write this kind of malicious code like to set their creations loose on April 1st. They don't understand April Fool's Day is supposed to be for hoaxes and other such harmless deceptions.

But chances are it won't amount to much. There are ways to get around Conficker's website blocking activity. Worst case, you could ask an uninfected friend to download one of the many tools available and send it as an email attachment. The Internet Storm Center has a large collection of these tools.

http://www.dshield.org/diary.html?storyid=5860

Don't search the web for them. Hackers have reacted to the first wave of publicity about Conficker by poisoning search engine results so they point to malware instead. And one further wrinkle: if "Conficker" is in the name of a removal tool, Conficker will block it from running. Many antivirus vendors have already changed the names of their removal tools in response, but if yours isn't you'll have to change it yourself.

The battle between parasites and your immune system is never ending.

Blink182 To Reunite

There are reunions, and then there are reunions. Mark Hoppus, Tom DeLonge and Travis Barker reunited on stage at the Grammys two nights ago to present the award for Best Rock Album, and subsequently announced they would be reuniting to perform as Blink182 again. How is that going to work out?

Bands are constantly breaking up, changing members, and reuniting, so this move is right in line with what's normal in the music industry. But reunions are tricky. It's like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. Most of the time the creative spark, the chemistry, that allows a group of three or four people to churn out good new music seems to last from three to six years. Then interests start to diverge, personalities to clash, and that's the end of it. Putting the pieces back together doesn't mean the mojo will come with them.

Which is probably why most reunions are more about cashing in on nostalgia, and on the greater disposable income of a core audience that has grown up. (See The Eagles, The Spice Girls, The Rolling Stones... oh, wait, they never officially broke up. No matter. It's the same principle. People go to Stones concerts to hear their old songs, not the new ones.)

Perhaps the new incarnation of Blink182 will beat the odds. But if they don't it won't necessarily matter, because they won't have needed to.

Grammy Winners

What an amazing turnaround the Grammys have had. Nobody used to care that much about them. Of the all the major awards and their award ceremonies --the Oscars for film, Tonys for live theater, and Emmys for TV-- the Grammys had the least cachet, the least cultural relevance. Sound Opinions rock critics Greg Kott and Jim DeRogatis have noted on a number of occasions they were like that from the start; the music industry's Old Guard established them in 1958 to promote "good music." Meaning music other than rock 'n roll, that abomination teenagers were listening to.

The Old Guard's battle and war were lost long ago, their territory overrun. All that's left is the castle they built in hopes of defending it. Being as they are immobile and heavy, castles don't adapt fast or easily. But the Grammys are obviously trying, and perhaps are finally getting somewhere.

Or not. Here are some of this year's winners. You decide.


Record Of The Year
* "Please Read the Letter," Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

Album of the Year
* Raising Sand, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

Song of the Year
* "Viva La Vida," Coldplay

Best New Artist
* Adele

Best Electronic/Dance Album
* Alive 2007, Daft Punk

Best Rock Album
* Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends, Coldplay

Best R&B Album
* Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Hudson

Best Rap Album
* Tha Carter III, Lil Wayne

Best Country Album
* Troubadour, George Strait

Best Contemporary Jazz Album
* Randy In Brasil, Randy Brecker

Best Coffee, Best Coffee Maker

Rating products and services can be kind of a mug's game, but Consumer Reports gets it close to right most of the time. Even if there is better stuff out there than whatever they rate as "Best," or worse stuff than what they rate as "Worst," if you follow their recommendations you'll certainly avoid buying junk.

With that in mind, their testers have some ideas for you about coffee. Eight O'Clock Coffee won out over 19 other brands with a "very good" rating. CU described the taste as a "complex blend of earthy and fruity," which one hopes doesn't mean the beans went into the package unwashed. The competition included top national sellers like Folgers and Maxwell House (admittedly, these are sort of the beverage equivalent of cardboard targets), and specialty blends like Caribou Coffee's Colombia Timana, Kickapoo Coffee's Organic Colombia, and Starbucks' Colombia Medium.

Any home brewing java junkie knows the coffee maker is almost as important as the coffee bean. Here again, CU has it covered. They give the nod to the Michael Graves 12-Cup Coffeemaker as having the best combination of price ($40) and quality (high water temperature, programmability). Second place went to the Melitta Take2 at an even more affordable $25.

Of course, none of this matters if you're satisfied with a teaspoon of instant stirred into a cup of nearly boiling water.

The Musician Died, The Music Lived

It's not officially a national day of remembrance, but maybe it should be. Buddy Holly died in a plane crash 50 years ago today. Fans still like to call it The Day the Music Died.

As poetic as that sentiment is, I can't quite agree. The music hasn't died. Not so long as we're still listening to it, and musicians are still finding inspiration in his simple but affecting melodies and lyrics. Very few of us leave such large footprints or cast such long shadows by age 22.

He left us with a lot. Imagine if you can What Might Have Been if Holly had lived to leave us more. I'd like to think he would have continued writing good songs on into the early 60s, perhaps single-handedly keeping that era's music from becoming as hopelessly lame and bloodless as it was. The mid to late 60s would have presented a problem; in those years rock started branching out into complex orchestration, social commentary, and of course drugs. Not exactly his milieu. He probably would have been viewed as a bit passe, behind the times, not relevant anymore. His star would have gone into eclipse.

And then rebounded in the 1970s. (Which it did in fact, though in this alternative universe version Don McLean has no reason to write "The Day The Music Died" and thus doesn't have a hit. No matter. That's not a big sacrifice.) After the Holly revival died down in, let's say in the early 1980s, he'd have settled onto the nostalgia circuit and earned a comfortable living there. And then, who knows, the late career resurgence of his contemporaries Johnny Cash and Roy Orbison might have inspired one or even two more albums worth of brilliant material.

We can never know. But we've got what we've got, and that will have to be enough.